What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 11:12
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Taking five minutes a day to do this can improve happiness, study finds - San Francisco Chronicle
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
What happens to single guys when they get older?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I was very sick at this time too.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
What can I say to a scammer who thinks he loves me, but I don't want to be scammed?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
We all went to grammer schools
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I could never make a relationship work though!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
What was the worst decision you ever did?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
What does it feel like when a guy cums in your ass?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
What happened to your school bully?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Especially a lifetime of it.
What is the most peculiar thing about the human brain?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
What do people aim for when they meditate, and how do they do it properly?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
One cannot live in the past .
How do you know when someone really loves you?
So whats the point in blame.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was seconnd youngest,
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
All the time i was locked up.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She found it foreign!.
She wouldn,t have been !
Im still living with it.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My family never makes their pension either.
My life is so biszare .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
What did i know ?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I couldn’t, believe it.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
As i do to all so called friends.?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I was 9 years of age.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
It was going to be , some day.
She married twice! .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Who then, do I blame.?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I was scared of men, in general
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She loved him until the end.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But, we were locked up after school.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
This is soul school!.
I have no regrets .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I think the readers, may guess!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I waited trembling.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Put me off passion for life!!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Ive learnt so much.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And i lived it daily.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I said to her
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
When she asked me how she looked .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
So, i spoilt her more .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He resisted the act ,that day.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We were not on the streets..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I will be 64.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Would this be the day?
He knew the spot.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I write beautiful poetry .
But it wasn’t much.
I don,t even have a pension.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She was in good health!
Comes on , in middle age.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!